Sunday, January 11, 2009

One singular sensation

That’s what I’m after this year folks – one singular sensation. The sensation of happiness, that deep in the gut feeling of “aw right, now.” And I do mean NOW.

That is my only determination for 2009. We Buddhists call resolutions, “determinations” and although we make them all year, the New Year is also a special time. Many of us take the list of yearly determinations. Seal them up and store them sight unseen until year’s end.

But I’ve tossed my list this year and substituted this: I am determined to be happy. Now. This very second. Without losing an ounce, pleasing my boss, accomplishing one goal (or setting one for that matter) lifting one weight, or rewriting a single page of my dormant book.

I will find a way to be happy, just because... without earning it. Shocking, I know. My happiness will not longer be on lay-away, to be parceled back to me as it is paid for.

We are trained and bombarded,especially this “New Year’s New You” time of year. Be unsatisfied. Push the envelop. Make a plan. Take control . Get moving. etc, etc.

I’ve had enough. I have no more patience. I will wait no longer. The siren sound of happiness calls, like Bali Hai. Whether I ever lose another pound, publish another piece, make a decent living, attract another lover...I’m gonna be happy.

By deciding to.

It’s not that radical an idea, I freely admit. It is even the cornerstone of the Buddhism I practice: Absolute happiness. In other words, an inner happiness not dependent upon conditions, or as you may put it “reality.” Oh, I can just see my son shaking his head at his ditsy out-of- touch mother. Sorry, Jamie.

I am going to search out reasons to be happy every chance I get. Even if it’s only the contrasting taste and texture of bacon and eggs; the warmth of my comforter as I smuggle down to sleep (alone).

I can hear it now: That’s all fine and dandy, if maybe somewhat corny. But all the good thoughts in the world amount to nothing without action. Maybe. But I’ve taken a lot of action in my life and precious little of the important stuff has changed.

I want to emphasize what this is NOT.
It’s not about giving up on my dreams, resigning, compromising, passivity and the like.
Feeling good shall be my activity.
Ready, set go. Sing out loud and strong.
“If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands...”


Tracy said...

What's the sound of one hand clapping?

roberta said...